So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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