Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
