I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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