I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
