my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
