I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
