woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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