I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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