Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He shit in the fireplace
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
