She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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