I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
