batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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