Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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