Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
