if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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