I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize