i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
