I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
