Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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