when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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