dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
