jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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