i was born a porn star she said
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
