The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
