You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize