dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
