he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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