I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
