Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
