I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
