How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
