i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize