don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
