sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
don't judge my taste in strippers
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
