I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
