and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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