The maid of honor just puked.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
