i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
