Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
