so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
