Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
