sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
BRING THE BAGELS
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
