Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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