I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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