Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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