covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
