everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize