He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
