yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
