So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
