he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
