Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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