The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
