he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
