I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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