i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize