is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
