I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
