What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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