how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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