On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's like heaven, but drunker
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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