Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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