New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
