I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
