ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
