i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
