i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
