the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize