He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
