he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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