I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
